Blast from the past: Who Would Kill Monica Foster aka Alexandra Melody Mayers?

Once again I’ve been named in an “If I wind up dead” tweet by Monica Foster.  I’m used to it, I actually find humor in it.. Tonight someone asked me, what if she was really murdered?  My response: I’d be sad….

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If someone were to murder Monica Foster I wouldn’t have to investigate myself.

You see, Monica Foster is worth more alive to me than dead. The hours of happiness I get from things like her drunk tweeting, or when she makes fake Twitter accounts pretending to be her loving family then tweets herself, or her constant If I wind up dead tweets, and of course her forced tweets of blackman love when we all know she craves white dick…. These are the things that make me smile. She’s my little retarded Dave Chappelle. I’m waiting for her to do a Wayne Brady skit starring her fan club Twitter operator, Barry the LoJack guy…

If she were dead, I wouldn’t have these things anymore. I would only have Donny. And to be honest, Donny is NOWHERE near the fun that Foster is. Sure there are other tards out there — Desi Foxx, Shelley Lubben, Tucker Slain — but they don’t bring a smile to my face quite like Monica after she’s had a dream and takes to Twitter to reach out to the aliens.

If Monica were murdered, I would investigate her list. After ruling myself out, I would investigate Michael Whiteacre. I’d call him and ask, “Ummm Whiteacre, do you have anything you wanna tell me?” He would most likely say something to the effect of, “Anal is a necessary part of any happy relationship and I didn’t kill Monica Foster.”  I would be able to tell by his tone that he was innocent.

Next I would email Marc Randazza. I’d write him and ask, “Did you kill Monica Foster?” Randazza would reply with, “This is an automated response as I’m currently away from the office. PS, I didn’t kill Monica Foster.”  Noticing that everything was spelled correctly I would rule him out as the killer.

Then on to Dr. Cindi Spiegler. Dr. Spiegler would reply with, “I’m in Brazil trying to find a cure for polio and didn’t have time to kill Monica Foster.”

If it wasn’t Me, Whiteacre, Randazza or Dr. Spiegler, then who’s left….OMG  Will Ryder.

Will Ryder’s won awards, he’s too smart to be tricked into admitting he killed Monica Foster. But if Ryder did kill Monica Foster, it’s my duty as the non-gay non-Jew leader of the Gay Jew Mafia to bring him to justice, or as Cartman once said, “these are primo fetuses.” Ryder isn’t my friend, he dissed me at AVN, sat 2 tables over from me and ignored me. And because of this he must pay, and of course because he killed Foster. But I would need some evidence to prove Ryder was indeed a murderer…

Being the non-Gay non-Jew leader of the Gay Jew Mafia has its perks. It basically means I’m one of the most powerful men in the world. Don’t believe me? Check out this tweet:

unnamed 350x243 Who Would Kill Monica Foster?Yea, I’m pretty much the guy, so I would go CSI and make some calls down to the ME’s office. For you lay people, that means Medical Examiner.

They would answer and I would say, let me speak to the guy in charge of the Foster autopsy..” Who’s calling“, this is TRPWL, ” yes si,r right away sir”  I would then ask, notice anything funny about the Foster autopsy?  “Well non gay non Jew leader of the gay Jew mafia, her blood alcohol content was 87%”  You mean .87?  “No, I mean 87%, how she was able to live boggles the mind.” Did you send off your findings to a specialist? ” Yes we did, but the Dr hasn’t gotten back to us yet, the specialist is in Brazil looking for a cure for polio” …Hmm, ok… Anything else out of the ordinary? Maybe a porn parody box cover under her fingernails?  “No sir, but we did find some reddish mustache hairs stuck between her toes and a poem about a porn star named Nikita Denise taped to an empty birdcage.

WTF? There’s no one on the Monica Foster ” If I wind up dead blogs” that fits that description..But soon, after watching some South Park, it hit me: a fucking ginger did it. Like Ford Fairlane once said, “this case is getting closed” …You guys wanna know who may kill Monica Foster?

TRSTTT 350x117 Who Would Kill Monica Foster?

Having your YouTube vids altered can push just about any man over the edge, I have no clue what “beatiality” is but I’m pretty sure it involves killing bloggers. Now I ask you who would kill Monica Foster?

This guy …


Go read his timeline, it screams “I’m guilty!”

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